Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Australia
I struggle to keep my eyes open. It's late i really should get up out of this far too comfortable couch, go to bed but the effort to move a single muscle let alone get up, get changed and walk the fifthteen feet to my small bedroom seems like an epic task at this moment. Arriving home only twenty minutes ago and fallen into the comforting embrace of my couch is all the energy i can spare tonight. I haven't even taken off my jacket such is my wearyness from a hectic day at my shit paying, 50 hour a week working factory job. As the news reader informs me of the latest world disaster, a series of mini tsunamis hitting the eastern coast of australia i'm overcome with a deep sense of sadness and frustration at the state of a world falling apart. It's seems everyday the news brings more horrific stories of natural disasters, earthquakes, floods, tsunamis,famine coupled with our one self inflicted pain, murder, rape, child abuse and scandals all becoming the norm.
With this barage of hellish horror engulfing you can understand how it would be so easy to turn away from it, for a well off person to wrap themselves up in there own little world. The striving for promotion at work, the purchase of the brand new head turning cars, and planning for there twice yearly foreign holidays because you can't dream of going around being so pale and sickly, that would be terrible. The occasional twenty euros to a charity colection (or fifty if your in close procimity of a girl your trying to impress) eleviates your guilt so you can get back to concentrating on making your own life better, brighter, more satifactory.
I'm disgusted with this all, it's a sickening sensation in the pit of my stomach every bit as real as the sleep treatening to overwhelm me. I decide that i must do something to change this. I will just rest my eyes for five minutes then drag myself into bed and first thing in the morning i will come up with a plan to rectify this situation in my own little way. I may not have much money to spare or free time but i will come up with a plan to affect my world around me for the better. My eyes slowly collapse down on my weary face and i drift off to sleep.
The first thing that hits me in the spilt secound before i open my eyes is the almost deafening noise, a thundering almost lion like roar shaking me sharply from my rest. I'm standing in my red t-shirt and boxers on the edge of a busy motorway bridge looking at the of vehicles rushing past at incredible speed. Even for early morning rush hour these cars are traveling at ridiculous speeds and i wonder why these drivers are risking their lives with this idiotic driving. Yet as i turn arround and see what is causing this madness i instantely understand.
There seems to be a barely visible wave baring down on the the mass of traffic, the commuters and me. It looks almost like a small tidal wave if you manage to look directely at it and notice it, but acts like a tornado. I seem to be the only one who notices this thing rapidly aproaching the bridge. My first instinct is so get the hell out of the way as soon as possible but i realise that that would leave
any cars and the passengers within helpless when this this thing hits the center of the bridge. I don't know what i can do, i wave my arms frantically and shout at the passing cars in an attempt to warn but it's no use the one or two who even notice me look at me like im a lunatic.
With this barage of hellish horror engulfing you can understand how it would be so easy to turn away from it, for a well off person to wrap themselves up in there own little world. The striving for promotion at work, the purchase of the brand new head turning cars, and planning for there twice yearly foreign holidays because you can't dream of going around being so pale and sickly, that would be terrible. The occasional twenty euros to a charity colection (or fifty if your in close procimity of a girl your trying to impress) eleviates your guilt so you can get back to concentrating on making your own life better, brighter, more satifactory.
I'm disgusted with this all, it's a sickening sensation in the pit of my stomach every bit as real as the sleep treatening to overwhelm me. I decide that i must do something to change this. I will just rest my eyes for five minutes then drag myself into bed and first thing in the morning i will come up with a plan to rectify this situation in my own little way. I may not have much money to spare or free time but i will come up with a plan to affect my world around me for the better. My eyes slowly collapse down on my weary face and i drift off to sleep.
The first thing that hits me in the spilt secound before i open my eyes is the almost deafening noise, a thundering almost lion like roar shaking me sharply from my rest. I'm standing in my red t-shirt and boxers on the edge of a busy motorway bridge looking at the of vehicles rushing past at incredible speed. Even for early morning rush hour these cars are traveling at ridiculous speeds and i wonder why these drivers are risking their lives with this idiotic driving. Yet as i turn arround and see what is causing this madness i instantely understand.
There seems to be a barely visible wave baring down on the the mass of traffic, the commuters and me. It looks almost like a small tidal wave if you manage to look directely at it and notice it, but acts like a tornado. I seem to be the only one who notices this thing rapidly aproaching the bridge. My first instinct is so get the hell out of the way as soon as possible but i realise that that would leave
any cars and the passengers within helpless when this this thing hits the center of the bridge. I don't know what i can do, i wave my arms frantically and shout at the passing cars in an attempt to warn but it's no use the one or two who even notice me look at me like im a lunatic.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Recovery.
Voices, hussed voices talking intently about something probably vitaly important that i can't make out is all i'm aware of. The effort it takes to open my eyelides is now an epic task that i know is far beyond me. It takes all the energy i have to concentrate intently on these bodyless voices and the only words i can make out are 'tragic' 'family' and 'coma' before i yield and drift off again. It may be a few hours later or a few weeks later i have no idea how much time has past as i'm viciously attacked by the intensely bright light flooding in the window. My intstinct is to turn my head away but even this small but sudden movement hurts like a punch in the face, i moan loudly and this seems to grab someones attention as almost immediately i feel hastened footsteps and someones soft hands on my arm and forehead before the sweet voice gently and lowly exclaims 'he's awake' an uncertain murmur followed by a more assured call out 'he's awake get in here!'
The following few hours are a haze of seemingly hoards of medical staff going over every inch of me methodically and thouroughly. I felt like a piece of meat being prodded and poked without permission but i guess that's what you get for being an idiot so i kept quiet and left them to it. Eventually they all leave me to get some rest and i close my eyes and try to drift off again but my mind is restless.
'I thought i'd never see you again'
An overfamiliar nurse wanders over to by bedside and to my surprise kisses me passionately and tenderley on my bruised lips. I have no idea why she has decided to do something so unproffessional and frankly hot like something out of a lustful teenaged dream. To be honest i don't care why she is doing this i just dont want it to stop, for the first time since my accident i'm begining to feel alive again. As she pulls back slightly and brushes my face softely with her hand i'm meet by an even greater and more joyfulled surprise. It's my naughthy angel!! The one i searched for for seemingly so long. Uncertain of the right first words to say i open my mouth to greet my beauty yet nothing comes out.
'What's the matter cat got your tongue?'
She utters cheekily with a slight smirk across her pale face.
'Your a great kisser'
Is all in can offer up.
'Thanks your no so bad yourself'
My mind is overflowing with questions,how did you find me? why are you in a nurses uniform? am i dreaming? Are you going to dissappear again?
Yet all i can actually do is think with another part of my body and reach out to grab her and pull her towards me and kiss her back, hopefully surprising her the way she did me. She loves it i can tell by the way her lips surrender to mine and the delicate little moan she lets out. After a few secounds she pulls away.
' Hold on now, i don't even know your name, what kinda girl do you think i am'
'My name i...'
'You can tell me when you take me out for a drink on our first date'
'Okay'
'Iv'e gotta go work now here's my number'
And as quick as a flash she has turned around and glides effortlessly out of the room.
The following few hours are a haze of seemingly hoards of medical staff going over every inch of me methodically and thouroughly. I felt like a piece of meat being prodded and poked without permission but i guess that's what you get for being an idiot so i kept quiet and left them to it. Eventually they all leave me to get some rest and i close my eyes and try to drift off again but my mind is restless.
'I thought i'd never see you again'
An overfamiliar nurse wanders over to by bedside and to my surprise kisses me passionately and tenderley on my bruised lips. I have no idea why she has decided to do something so unproffessional and frankly hot like something out of a lustful teenaged dream. To be honest i don't care why she is doing this i just dont want it to stop, for the first time since my accident i'm begining to feel alive again. As she pulls back slightly and brushes my face softely with her hand i'm meet by an even greater and more joyfulled surprise. It's my naughthy angel!! The one i searched for for seemingly so long. Uncertain of the right first words to say i open my mouth to greet my beauty yet nothing comes out.
'What's the matter cat got your tongue?'
She utters cheekily with a slight smirk across her pale face.
'Your a great kisser'
Is all in can offer up.
'Thanks your no so bad yourself'
My mind is overflowing with questions,how did you find me? why are you in a nurses uniform? am i dreaming? Are you going to dissappear again?
Yet all i can actually do is think with another part of my body and reach out to grab her and pull her towards me and kiss her back, hopefully surprising her the way she did me. She loves it i can tell by the way her lips surrender to mine and the delicate little moan she lets out. After a few secounds she pulls away.
' Hold on now, i don't even know your name, what kinda girl do you think i am'
'My name i...'
'You can tell me when you take me out for a drink on our first date'
'Okay'
'Iv'e gotta go work now here's my number'
And as quick as a flash she has turned around and glides effortlessly out of the room.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Christian
No matter what i do i can't sleep tonight. I was so tired coming home from my long twelve hour day at work and my body is drained but my mind is restless and racing. I still can't beleive what happen a few hours ago, my nighttime laison with the bewitching jenny. Jenny who a short few hours ago was a complete stranger to me has come crashing into my life. I can still smell her scent on me, feel her skin against mine her bright blue eyes looking down at me as a predator upon her helpless prey.If only i could stop time and live in that moment forever, it was truly a perfect if intimadating and heartpounding moment at first.I could quite happily live in those few mins of bliss and never want for anything else.
The one and only downside would be that at that time i hadn't discovered her name yet. Her name which now rings through my head, an resounding word echoing throughout my brain.Jenny, jenny ,jenny. I decide that i must find her and get to know her better, but i know so little about her that it could be almost impossible to track her down. The only thing i know about her is her first name and what she looks like, well i also know what she fells like on me and the sounds she makes as she gets exited but that's of no use to me now. Firstly i try online, i search social networking sites and any site that is popular but without details to work with i end up wasting an entire two days staring at my laptop stopping only to snack and catch a short few hours sleep.
When monday roles around again i'm forced to put my fruitless search on hold and return to work. Luckily my job envovles me working on my own and is so repetitive that i could do it my sleep. And the whole day is spent in a daydream, my body working away automatically without much thought while i relive my wonderfully encounter over and over again in my head.Before i realise it the working day is over and i'm heading home my mind only occupied by my daydream endlessly repeating and wondering how to come up with a way to find jenny. I barely even notice as i push my way onto the crowded train carriage and grab onto the bar to steady myself the blonde woman that brushes past me.She is half way down the carriage before she comes into my full view and i'm spurned into action. Seeing only the back of her head i'm not sure if it's her but she does have the same hairstyle and is the same height and i'm determined to follow her nad find out. Catching up with her is not as easy as it seems, there is barely any room to move tired yet stern commuters seem to hinder my every step as i move towards her the train lurches back and forth and a few times i have to quickly grasp onto the corner of a seat to prevent me flying face first into someones lap. When i finally do catch up with my elusive target and im just about to grab her by the shoulder she sits down next to her waiting friend and now with her head turned i can see its not her, this woman is fifteen years older and not nearly as pretty. The dissapointment hits my like a punch to the guts,leaning my back against the plastic division that seperates the seated section from the door openings i slide slowley down onto the ground and bury my head in my arms not caring who sees.
I listlessly ramble home my feet moving along at a slow pace but in no rush to get home to my empty flat that awaits me. I would much rather be out here in the freezing cold wandering aimlessly around with the faint possiblity of somehow fate throwing our paths together again. She would just happen to be traveling home at the same time and turn onto the same road as i'm walking on it, we would see each other in the distance, i would be unsure if it was her and she would be oblivious to my presence until i was closer and upon seeing me face would burst into an uncontrolable smile. I would love to stay out here all night on the faint chance that this happpens but a froozen half dead me is no good to her so i continue on at my snails pace and edge ever closer to home. I decide that when i get back into the warmth of my flat i will have a rethink and surely if i put my mind to it i can come up with a far better way to find her than this desperate attempt.
I'm practically home rounding the corner to bring my flat into view in the short distance when i'm suddenly hit with a realisation that temperarely stops me in my tracks. It was late on a friday night when our little encounter happened. I assumed she was coming home from a late night at work but looking back now searching through my blissfull memories of that night i recall something that seemed unimportant at the time. As she left the train the last thing she did was she picked up her bag. Too big to be a handbag even those oversized ones but too small to be holiday luggage, it had to be a weekend bag! I couldn't be sure but it seemed to fit perfectely, she could have been coming down on the dublin train before connecting onto my short commuter train. Probably visiting relatives, mabye returning home for the weekend from her job in the city. Either way it was a very real possiblity that she would be coming down again the next friday around the same time all i had to do was wait for her each week and sooner or later our paths would cross again and i could get to know this amazing woman better and see what else could happen between us. The thought of this put a spring in my step and i'm grinning to myself as i rush home.
Before i know it the next friday has arrived and i'm making my way towards the first train journey of the night filled with anticipation. Don't ask me anything about the days and nights running up to this moment, i can't remember a thing athough i am sure it was filled with a series of unremarkable, unexiting and uneventfull moments. In fact my life up to now could be described that way. My life an lithany of uninteresting momenets, years upon years of non events that scatter across the landscape of my so called life. Each time i came to a crossroads and a decision had to made of the direction to take, the dull, safe and less taxing path or the exiting, new mabye tougher and unknown path i would invariable choose the path of least resistance. This time however i was determined to take that other trail and venture into the unknown undetered by my past cowardesss. I had tasted the fruitfull joys of what awaited and this pulled me on towards it,i had to have more, not just another small bite but i would bound bravely forward and devour this new meal. I hungered for jenny like i had never hungered before and i was going to be satisfied no matter how long i had to wait.
So with an abundance of determination i edge closer to the train. As i enter the first carriage i carefully look at each face of each woman that even moderately resembles her. Each time i'm presented with a new face to gaze upon i'm very aware of the potential a new woman brings. The potential to disapoint me with the face of a stranger no matter how attractive the woman may be it would be no consolation, or the potential to fill my entire body with joy and the realisation of my completed search. At first i'm filled with exitment and anticipation, with any luck i could meet her within moments, she could be anywhere around me and i scan the train with the keen eyes of a hunter searching out it's prey. And this week's waiting has only hightened the anticipation, the fact that she is so hard to find will make finding her and tasting her again all the more sweeter. I don't know where this lustfull agression comes from iv'e never been like this before, up until know iv'e always been passive and almost non chalant when it comes to women. I my mind whenever i pursued a woman i enjoyed it but if it didn't work out or we didn't click that would be fine with me i would hastily move on to someone else.Yet this time i see no other result than success, i have to know her and be with her again.
With each blond figure that comes into view that may posibbly be her but turns out not to be the dissapointment is minimal. I already know i will find her it's a certainty in my mind. As the night slips away and i realise i will not be finding her tonight a sense of despondancy washes over me. Even though i'm certain we will meet again now i'm faced with another week of solitude, another week without her in my life and another week of emptyness. And even next week is no guarantee of producing anything new, it may be awhile before our paths cross again. The following week passes slow than any i can remember, i try my best to distract myself with work, with a few drinks to relax me, with stacks of films to escape into yet all the time there is an internal battle between my determined optimism and the crushing reality that this situation is not anything i can change right now.
So as the week eventually passes and i find myself on that train again i'm slightly less enthusiatic. I'm still determined to find her and i will wait however long it takes but as the last train of the night pulls into the station and yet again i'm faces with the task of enduring another souless week i'm feeling quite dejected and low. So much so i'm barely aware of the people around me swarming towards the door waiting to squeeze out and hurry away from this temporary metal prision. Passengers brush past me, some gently some not as considerate and just as i'm stepping out onto the platform someone brushes past me violentely and sprints off as fast as they can go. I don't see who it is but as i pick steady myself and look up i see a smallish figure in a bright red rain coat hurry away in the distance. My whole body swells with anger and i now i'm the agressive one pushing my way past passngers uncaring if i offend or upset anyone after the soulsucking two weeks iv'e had i refuse to feel so low anymore i will find that red coated coward and give them hell.
I'm sprinting as fast as i'm capable now willing myself to move faster than i ever have and as i round the corner i see a woman with that red coat enter a cab. It pulls away luckily in my direction and i'm waving my arms frantically and shouting like a lunatic but the cab driver shows no signs of seeing me or if he does he's not slowing down. This cab and this woman are about the exit my life and pull off into the distance and i'm not ready to accept that so as the cab speeds closer i decide in a momant of madness to do something ridicilous. I fling myself infront of the cab. I fling myself with all the force and effort of an action movie star jumping in slow motion away from a backround explotion. If i wasn't in that very moment i would find it ridiculously hillarious, any lookers on would be wonder what the fuck is going on and similtantiously be extremly confused and also wonderously entertained. That and the fact that i had to stop this cab were what was going through my head as i was in mid leap, yet that leap was over far too quickly and i was now in a collision coarse with a fast moving vehicle. I could do nothing to stop myself now the laws of physics were in motion and as that glass windscreen smacked violently into my head all i could think was 'you fucking idiot!'
The one and only downside would be that at that time i hadn't discovered her name yet. Her name which now rings through my head, an resounding word echoing throughout my brain.Jenny, jenny ,jenny. I decide that i must find her and get to know her better, but i know so little about her that it could be almost impossible to track her down. The only thing i know about her is her first name and what she looks like, well i also know what she fells like on me and the sounds she makes as she gets exited but that's of no use to me now. Firstly i try online, i search social networking sites and any site that is popular but without details to work with i end up wasting an entire two days staring at my laptop stopping only to snack and catch a short few hours sleep.
When monday roles around again i'm forced to put my fruitless search on hold and return to work. Luckily my job envovles me working on my own and is so repetitive that i could do it my sleep. And the whole day is spent in a daydream, my body working away automatically without much thought while i relive my wonderfully encounter over and over again in my head.Before i realise it the working day is over and i'm heading home my mind only occupied by my daydream endlessly repeating and wondering how to come up with a way to find jenny. I barely even notice as i push my way onto the crowded train carriage and grab onto the bar to steady myself the blonde woman that brushes past me.She is half way down the carriage before she comes into my full view and i'm spurned into action. Seeing only the back of her head i'm not sure if it's her but she does have the same hairstyle and is the same height and i'm determined to follow her nad find out. Catching up with her is not as easy as it seems, there is barely any room to move tired yet stern commuters seem to hinder my every step as i move towards her the train lurches back and forth and a few times i have to quickly grasp onto the corner of a seat to prevent me flying face first into someones lap. When i finally do catch up with my elusive target and im just about to grab her by the shoulder she sits down next to her waiting friend and now with her head turned i can see its not her, this woman is fifteen years older and not nearly as pretty. The dissapointment hits my like a punch to the guts,leaning my back against the plastic division that seperates the seated section from the door openings i slide slowley down onto the ground and bury my head in my arms not caring who sees.
I listlessly ramble home my feet moving along at a slow pace but in no rush to get home to my empty flat that awaits me. I would much rather be out here in the freezing cold wandering aimlessly around with the faint possiblity of somehow fate throwing our paths together again. She would just happen to be traveling home at the same time and turn onto the same road as i'm walking on it, we would see each other in the distance, i would be unsure if it was her and she would be oblivious to my presence until i was closer and upon seeing me face would burst into an uncontrolable smile. I would love to stay out here all night on the faint chance that this happpens but a froozen half dead me is no good to her so i continue on at my snails pace and edge ever closer to home. I decide that when i get back into the warmth of my flat i will have a rethink and surely if i put my mind to it i can come up with a far better way to find her than this desperate attempt.
I'm practically home rounding the corner to bring my flat into view in the short distance when i'm suddenly hit with a realisation that temperarely stops me in my tracks. It was late on a friday night when our little encounter happened. I assumed she was coming home from a late night at work but looking back now searching through my blissfull memories of that night i recall something that seemed unimportant at the time. As she left the train the last thing she did was she picked up her bag. Too big to be a handbag even those oversized ones but too small to be holiday luggage, it had to be a weekend bag! I couldn't be sure but it seemed to fit perfectely, she could have been coming down on the dublin train before connecting onto my short commuter train. Probably visiting relatives, mabye returning home for the weekend from her job in the city. Either way it was a very real possiblity that she would be coming down again the next friday around the same time all i had to do was wait for her each week and sooner or later our paths would cross again and i could get to know this amazing woman better and see what else could happen between us. The thought of this put a spring in my step and i'm grinning to myself as i rush home.
Before i know it the next friday has arrived and i'm making my way towards the first train journey of the night filled with anticipation. Don't ask me anything about the days and nights running up to this moment, i can't remember a thing athough i am sure it was filled with a series of unremarkable, unexiting and uneventfull moments. In fact my life up to now could be described that way. My life an lithany of uninteresting momenets, years upon years of non events that scatter across the landscape of my so called life. Each time i came to a crossroads and a decision had to made of the direction to take, the dull, safe and less taxing path or the exiting, new mabye tougher and unknown path i would invariable choose the path of least resistance. This time however i was determined to take that other trail and venture into the unknown undetered by my past cowardesss. I had tasted the fruitfull joys of what awaited and this pulled me on towards it,i had to have more, not just another small bite but i would bound bravely forward and devour this new meal. I hungered for jenny like i had never hungered before and i was going to be satisfied no matter how long i had to wait.
So with an abundance of determination i edge closer to the train. As i enter the first carriage i carefully look at each face of each woman that even moderately resembles her. Each time i'm presented with a new face to gaze upon i'm very aware of the potential a new woman brings. The potential to disapoint me with the face of a stranger no matter how attractive the woman may be it would be no consolation, or the potential to fill my entire body with joy and the realisation of my completed search. At first i'm filled with exitment and anticipation, with any luck i could meet her within moments, she could be anywhere around me and i scan the train with the keen eyes of a hunter searching out it's prey. And this week's waiting has only hightened the anticipation, the fact that she is so hard to find will make finding her and tasting her again all the more sweeter. I don't know where this lustfull agression comes from iv'e never been like this before, up until know iv'e always been passive and almost non chalant when it comes to women. I my mind whenever i pursued a woman i enjoyed it but if it didn't work out or we didn't click that would be fine with me i would hastily move on to someone else.Yet this time i see no other result than success, i have to know her and be with her again.
With each blond figure that comes into view that may posibbly be her but turns out not to be the dissapointment is minimal. I already know i will find her it's a certainty in my mind. As the night slips away and i realise i will not be finding her tonight a sense of despondancy washes over me. Even though i'm certain we will meet again now i'm faced with another week of solitude, another week without her in my life and another week of emptyness. And even next week is no guarantee of producing anything new, it may be awhile before our paths cross again. The following week passes slow than any i can remember, i try my best to distract myself with work, with a few drinks to relax me, with stacks of films to escape into yet all the time there is an internal battle between my determined optimism and the crushing reality that this situation is not anything i can change right now.
So as the week eventually passes and i find myself on that train again i'm slightly less enthusiatic. I'm still determined to find her and i will wait however long it takes but as the last train of the night pulls into the station and yet again i'm faces with the task of enduring another souless week i'm feeling quite dejected and low. So much so i'm barely aware of the people around me swarming towards the door waiting to squeeze out and hurry away from this temporary metal prision. Passengers brush past me, some gently some not as considerate and just as i'm stepping out onto the platform someone brushes past me violentely and sprints off as fast as they can go. I don't see who it is but as i pick steady myself and look up i see a smallish figure in a bright red rain coat hurry away in the distance. My whole body swells with anger and i now i'm the agressive one pushing my way past passngers uncaring if i offend or upset anyone after the soulsucking two weeks iv'e had i refuse to feel so low anymore i will find that red coated coward and give them hell.
I'm sprinting as fast as i'm capable now willing myself to move faster than i ever have and as i round the corner i see a woman with that red coat enter a cab. It pulls away luckily in my direction and i'm waving my arms frantically and shouting like a lunatic but the cab driver shows no signs of seeing me or if he does he's not slowing down. This cab and this woman are about the exit my life and pull off into the distance and i'm not ready to accept that so as the cab speeds closer i decide in a momant of madness to do something ridicilous. I fling myself infront of the cab. I fling myself with all the force and effort of an action movie star jumping in slow motion away from a backround explotion. If i wasn't in that very moment i would find it ridiculously hillarious, any lookers on would be wonder what the fuck is going on and similtantiously be extremly confused and also wonderously entertained. That and the fact that i had to stop this cab were what was going through my head as i was in mid leap, yet that leap was over far too quickly and i was now in a collision coarse with a fast moving vehicle. I could do nothing to stop myself now the laws of physics were in motion and as that glass windscreen smacked violently into my head all i could think was 'you fucking idiot!'
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Joyride
The car revs loudly and within secounds he roughly grabs the handbrake and we drift around the sharp corner. My heart beats so fast especially as the car lunges us about hard yet i can't seem to turn my eyes away from his face even with an entire world of roads, tall buildings and the night sky rushing towards us. I fell so safe next to him, i know he's in control and he would never let anything happen to me. Within a few minutes we are far away from town and out in a deserted field, the squeel of tyres and roaring engines still ringing in my ears.
The car spins around and comes to a stop and scott gives me a look that says everything, a devilish wide mouthed grin and a we can do anything and get away with it look and at the same time a look that says live in the moment it's the only way to live life and this moment is one we will remember forever. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest it's never beaten so fast my whole life and yet as he lunges towards me and pushes his lips to mine it's speeds up even more,i think to myself you are one lucky girl. I barely have time to think as he pulls each item of clothes off me and althought i'd love to help him out he moves so fast i'm naked in a matter of secounds. He removes his clothes even quicker and i don't even get to see him naked before feeling him deep inside me.
This is the first time we have ever been naked with each other before so i have no idea what size he is but he feels huge to me streching me right out being all in can take and i think i couldnt take another inch without fainting but all the same i love it and looking up at him wildly thrusting i realise at that moment i love him. This guy who only a few hours ago was a good friend who i thought was kinda hot but nothing special was the man i loved, how mad is life.
An hour or two later he is dropping me home and kissing me goodnight, only our secound ever kiss by the way and i'm in heaven, he says he will text me later and as i wal slowly to the door i can't help but look back to see the car speed around the corner and smile to myself. I almost float through the door and once inside i realise my mam might still be awake so i creep up to bed not making a sound wrap myself up in my warm duvet and drift off to sleep happier than i can ever remember being.
I awake to the sound of plates smashing loudly against the walls downstairs, the door slams and i angry footsteps pound the footpath outside. I hurriedly stumble towards my window stubbing my toe against my bed, the pain is instant and infuriating but i hobble over to my window quickly to see who is leaving and responsible for all this racket. The tall, broad and fuming figure of my dad is marching out onto the road. At first i don't understand what's going on until my half asleep brain finally wakes up and realises that my dad has stormed out after an almighty row with my mam, iv'e never seen them like this before, it's scares me and i frantically try to make sense of it. To come up with some logical explanation why this has happened, something must have caused it but i'm drawing a blank.
I frantically pull on the nearest clothes i can find before creeping slowly downstairs. The kitchen door is slightely ajar as i try to silentely push through it in one fluid movement without making a single sound but i was never the most gracefull creature and i stumble, fall into the door and enter the room with my hands strechted out in front, a loud 'AAAGGH' is the first word to fall out of my mouth this day as i'm braced for a violent crash only to be stopped quickly by the kitchen counter top embrasing my out streched palm.The huddled and frail figure of my mam slumps against the back door, her eyes gazing towards me, i think for a secound she is about to laugh until i realise she is not looking at me but straight through me.
I tentatively and quietely ask 'mam are you okay?'. I get no response so i repeat it louder still no answer comes. Creeping towards her i rest my hands gentely on her shoulders and ask in the most soathing and calming voice as i can muster 'is there anything i can do to help?' Finally i get a quiet response 'he's gone' secounds pass yet seem like an eternity before she adds 'he's gone the bastard and he's not coming back!'
'What happened?' i ask confused and desperately trying to hold back the tears, i need to be strong for her. 'He's found a new family and doesn't want us anymore,he doesn't want me and he doesn't want you!'she looks up at me for those last two words, a look of anger, bitterness and resentment. I can feel the tears already forming in my eyes the wave of emotion washing over me, knocking me down and crushing me. I can't bear this feeling and i can't let her see how she's hurt me so in a matter of secounds i'm rushing out the backdoor running, running and speeding away from that place as fast as i'm able, tears spilling down my face everybit as heavy and wet as the rain that is now falling on my head. I'm getting soaked and i don't care i keep running until my legs no longer move me forward and i collapse breathless, soaked and broken against a nearby wall. The wall has a ledge which hangs over my head protecting me from anymore downfall which i'm thankfull for as i rest my head back against the dry concrete. My bones fell so heavy now i couldnt get up if i wanted to, staring off into the distance overlooking the town my eyes begin to feel as heavy as my bones. I try to keep them open but the weight is too much and before i know it i'm asleep hoping nobody sees me like this.
I wake sometime later and at first i dont know where i am until i look around and realise i'm in a warm bed, the walls are covered in posters of expensive and to be honest quite sexy cars and if not cars then half naked women. Georgeous women with pouting faces and huge breasts almost falling out of there tops, i have nothing in common with these women, i don't have those perfect figures or huge boobs, i'm so jealous of the way guys lear after these perfect women and i couldn't be futher away from that.
Hearing footsteps coming up the stairs i'm snapped out of my self loathing and frantically scanning the room for a way out of this situation. The window seems just about big enough to squeeze through so i speedily toss the duvet aside and leap out of bed towards the window. Only to notice the coldness grasping at my exposed skin. My naked skin! Shit not only have i been dragged into a strange mans bedroom but he has stripped me naked and oh god he must have plans to do unspeakable things to me. I notice a baseball bat leaning up against the wardrobe as the footsteps get louder and louder. I quickely grab it and hide behind the door frame perfectely positioned to swing at whoever enters in the next few secounds. My heart is beating through my chest and adreneline is rushing through my naked and terrified body.
The door slowly creeps open, i decide it's now or never so i lunge forward and swing wildly opening i hit cleanly and connect. i need to hurt this weirdo before he hurts me. Involuntaraly my eyes close as i swing so i don't see what or who i hit but i hear a loud banging and crashing of wood against metal and something else. And a voice moaning fucking hell.Iv'e done hit it! I must have with all that noise and racket. Opening my eyes to survey the damage i see the figure of a man on the floor, a metal tray flung across the ground and a half full half spilled plate of cooked breakfast balancing on the man's stomach. Looking down at this fallen figure in the half darkened hallway i firstly notice his eyes, his bright blue eyes sparkling even in this darkness. Those eyes look so familiar to me, though i can't place them. My brain is so occupied with trying to remember where i know them from that i fail to react as he pulls himself up from the hard ground, it's only as he smashes the plate full of food against the wall with all his strenght that this deafing sound shakes me out of my wondering. I'm frozen like a rabbit in the headlights i'm unable to move or react.I have no idea how to react in this situation and i start to panic.
I wanna turn and run but there is nowhere to go and even if there was i wouldn't be able to bring myself to move. He limps out of the shadow and is almost growls and seems animalistic ready to pounce on me and as i prepare myself for the worst i'm greeted by the most beautiful sight and releif rushes through my entire body. It's scott, my scott! All this time iv'e been in his bedroom and he was the one who brought me in from the cold to take care of me. I leap into his arms and kiss him furiousely, i can sense his annoyance at the tense situation and his surprise at my sudden leap but his initial reluctance to enjoy my lips falls away and in no time at all we are awkwardly fumbling towards the bed and laughing at ourselves.
He's lying naked on his bed fast asleep as i'm wrapped up in him and taking in this room, the rows upon rows of cd's and the large but old tv in the corner of the room facing us. The dark brown and red painted walls bare exept for a few posters of celtic players and one of a extremely large breasted and topless model. It's no wonder i didn't recognise this room as scott's, clearly it's a man's room but there is nothing personal to show in the entire place. No personal photos, no momentos and certainly nothing warm or welcoming, unless you count those fake breasts as welcoming. I would think more about this but my stomach grumbles and i realise i haven't eaten since yesterday morning and the food littered across the landing floor doesn't look too appetising so after throwing on some clothes and a quick clean up i make us both some breakfast and am just climbing back into bed when my man wakes up.
''Did I wake you baby? i'm sorry''
'' No no it wasn't you just the smell of that hot tea and that tasty looking fry up, did you make it yourself?''
''Yes'' i beam with pride.
''Well you are full of surprises, talented in the bedroom, the kitchen and handy with a baseball bat''
I laugh quietely and turn my eyes to the floor, embarassed at my almost violent episode and the situation as a whole. Noticing this scott takes my cheek gently in his hand and kisses my lips ever so tenderely before whispering in my ear ''It's okay babe you have nothing to be embarassed about and your always welcome here.I craddle my head on his chest and close my eyes happy and contented. I have nothing to worry about in the world when i'm here. The next few months are spent between school, here and the occasion visit back home. The first time i went back from scott's was the worst, i had been out for two whole days and nights and expected to get shouted and roared at, or at least to be grounded and punished but my mam hardly noticed i had gone at all. She had occupied her time not with worrying about me or trying to find me but by cursing my now vanished dad's name and drowning herself in an ocean of cheap booze. Hear i was sixteen almost seventeen and apparantely i needed no more raising or family love, not that i ever got much. One parent had literally abandoned me and the other may has well have for all the good she did. Thank god i was an only child and no other siblings had to put up with them.
I was so grateful for the time spent at scotts house, his mam worked the night shift at the hospital leaving us the house to ourselves most days and when she was around ahe would cook for both of us, i think she liked me because she always gave me extra and asked how i was and when we would disappear up to scotts room she would joke '' Don't do anything i wouldn't do'' The only time she ever interfeared with us if you can call it that was to pull me aside one day and quietley ask if i was taking the right precautions. I said i was and she never mentioned it again, and to be honest i was glad that someone cared enough to ask.
The car spins around and comes to a stop and scott gives me a look that says everything, a devilish wide mouthed grin and a we can do anything and get away with it look and at the same time a look that says live in the moment it's the only way to live life and this moment is one we will remember forever. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest it's never beaten so fast my whole life and yet as he lunges towards me and pushes his lips to mine it's speeds up even more,i think to myself you are one lucky girl. I barely have time to think as he pulls each item of clothes off me and althought i'd love to help him out he moves so fast i'm naked in a matter of secounds. He removes his clothes even quicker and i don't even get to see him naked before feeling him deep inside me.
This is the first time we have ever been naked with each other before so i have no idea what size he is but he feels huge to me streching me right out being all in can take and i think i couldnt take another inch without fainting but all the same i love it and looking up at him wildly thrusting i realise at that moment i love him. This guy who only a few hours ago was a good friend who i thought was kinda hot but nothing special was the man i loved, how mad is life.
An hour or two later he is dropping me home and kissing me goodnight, only our secound ever kiss by the way and i'm in heaven, he says he will text me later and as i wal slowly to the door i can't help but look back to see the car speed around the corner and smile to myself. I almost float through the door and once inside i realise my mam might still be awake so i creep up to bed not making a sound wrap myself up in my warm duvet and drift off to sleep happier than i can ever remember being.
I awake to the sound of plates smashing loudly against the walls downstairs, the door slams and i angry footsteps pound the footpath outside. I hurriedly stumble towards my window stubbing my toe against my bed, the pain is instant and infuriating but i hobble over to my window quickly to see who is leaving and responsible for all this racket. The tall, broad and fuming figure of my dad is marching out onto the road. At first i don't understand what's going on until my half asleep brain finally wakes up and realises that my dad has stormed out after an almighty row with my mam, iv'e never seen them like this before, it's scares me and i frantically try to make sense of it. To come up with some logical explanation why this has happened, something must have caused it but i'm drawing a blank.
I frantically pull on the nearest clothes i can find before creeping slowly downstairs. The kitchen door is slightely ajar as i try to silentely push through it in one fluid movement without making a single sound but i was never the most gracefull creature and i stumble, fall into the door and enter the room with my hands strechted out in front, a loud 'AAAGGH' is the first word to fall out of my mouth this day as i'm braced for a violent crash only to be stopped quickly by the kitchen counter top embrasing my out streched palm.The huddled and frail figure of my mam slumps against the back door, her eyes gazing towards me, i think for a secound she is about to laugh until i realise she is not looking at me but straight through me.
I tentatively and quietely ask 'mam are you okay?'. I get no response so i repeat it louder still no answer comes. Creeping towards her i rest my hands gentely on her shoulders and ask in the most soathing and calming voice as i can muster 'is there anything i can do to help?' Finally i get a quiet response 'he's gone' secounds pass yet seem like an eternity before she adds 'he's gone the bastard and he's not coming back!'
'What happened?' i ask confused and desperately trying to hold back the tears, i need to be strong for her. 'He's found a new family and doesn't want us anymore,he doesn't want me and he doesn't want you!'she looks up at me for those last two words, a look of anger, bitterness and resentment. I can feel the tears already forming in my eyes the wave of emotion washing over me, knocking me down and crushing me. I can't bear this feeling and i can't let her see how she's hurt me so in a matter of secounds i'm rushing out the backdoor running, running and speeding away from that place as fast as i'm able, tears spilling down my face everybit as heavy and wet as the rain that is now falling on my head. I'm getting soaked and i don't care i keep running until my legs no longer move me forward and i collapse breathless, soaked and broken against a nearby wall. The wall has a ledge which hangs over my head protecting me from anymore downfall which i'm thankfull for as i rest my head back against the dry concrete. My bones fell so heavy now i couldnt get up if i wanted to, staring off into the distance overlooking the town my eyes begin to feel as heavy as my bones. I try to keep them open but the weight is too much and before i know it i'm asleep hoping nobody sees me like this.
I wake sometime later and at first i dont know where i am until i look around and realise i'm in a warm bed, the walls are covered in posters of expensive and to be honest quite sexy cars and if not cars then half naked women. Georgeous women with pouting faces and huge breasts almost falling out of there tops, i have nothing in common with these women, i don't have those perfect figures or huge boobs, i'm so jealous of the way guys lear after these perfect women and i couldn't be futher away from that.
Hearing footsteps coming up the stairs i'm snapped out of my self loathing and frantically scanning the room for a way out of this situation. The window seems just about big enough to squeeze through so i speedily toss the duvet aside and leap out of bed towards the window. Only to notice the coldness grasping at my exposed skin. My naked skin! Shit not only have i been dragged into a strange mans bedroom but he has stripped me naked and oh god he must have plans to do unspeakable things to me. I notice a baseball bat leaning up against the wardrobe as the footsteps get louder and louder. I quickely grab it and hide behind the door frame perfectely positioned to swing at whoever enters in the next few secounds. My heart is beating through my chest and adreneline is rushing through my naked and terrified body.
The door slowly creeps open, i decide it's now or never so i lunge forward and swing wildly opening i hit cleanly and connect. i need to hurt this weirdo before he hurts me. Involuntaraly my eyes close as i swing so i don't see what or who i hit but i hear a loud banging and crashing of wood against metal and something else. And a voice moaning fucking hell.Iv'e done hit it! I must have with all that noise and racket. Opening my eyes to survey the damage i see the figure of a man on the floor, a metal tray flung across the ground and a half full half spilled plate of cooked breakfast balancing on the man's stomach. Looking down at this fallen figure in the half darkened hallway i firstly notice his eyes, his bright blue eyes sparkling even in this darkness. Those eyes look so familiar to me, though i can't place them. My brain is so occupied with trying to remember where i know them from that i fail to react as he pulls himself up from the hard ground, it's only as he smashes the plate full of food against the wall with all his strenght that this deafing sound shakes me out of my wondering. I'm frozen like a rabbit in the headlights i'm unable to move or react.I have no idea how to react in this situation and i start to panic.
I wanna turn and run but there is nowhere to go and even if there was i wouldn't be able to bring myself to move. He limps out of the shadow and is almost growls and seems animalistic ready to pounce on me and as i prepare myself for the worst i'm greeted by the most beautiful sight and releif rushes through my entire body. It's scott, my scott! All this time iv'e been in his bedroom and he was the one who brought me in from the cold to take care of me. I leap into his arms and kiss him furiousely, i can sense his annoyance at the tense situation and his surprise at my sudden leap but his initial reluctance to enjoy my lips falls away and in no time at all we are awkwardly fumbling towards the bed and laughing at ourselves.
He's lying naked on his bed fast asleep as i'm wrapped up in him and taking in this room, the rows upon rows of cd's and the large but old tv in the corner of the room facing us. The dark brown and red painted walls bare exept for a few posters of celtic players and one of a extremely large breasted and topless model. It's no wonder i didn't recognise this room as scott's, clearly it's a man's room but there is nothing personal to show in the entire place. No personal photos, no momentos and certainly nothing warm or welcoming, unless you count those fake breasts as welcoming. I would think more about this but my stomach grumbles and i realise i haven't eaten since yesterday morning and the food littered across the landing floor doesn't look too appetising so after throwing on some clothes and a quick clean up i make us both some breakfast and am just climbing back into bed when my man wakes up.
''Did I wake you baby? i'm sorry''
'' No no it wasn't you just the smell of that hot tea and that tasty looking fry up, did you make it yourself?''
''Yes'' i beam with pride.
''Well you are full of surprises, talented in the bedroom, the kitchen and handy with a baseball bat''
I laugh quietely and turn my eyes to the floor, embarassed at my almost violent episode and the situation as a whole. Noticing this scott takes my cheek gently in his hand and kisses my lips ever so tenderely before whispering in my ear ''It's okay babe you have nothing to be embarassed about and your always welcome here.I craddle my head on his chest and close my eyes happy and contented. I have nothing to worry about in the world when i'm here. The next few months are spent between school, here and the occasion visit back home. The first time i went back from scott's was the worst, i had been out for two whole days and nights and expected to get shouted and roared at, or at least to be grounded and punished but my mam hardly noticed i had gone at all. She had occupied her time not with worrying about me or trying to find me but by cursing my now vanished dad's name and drowning herself in an ocean of cheap booze. Hear i was sixteen almost seventeen and apparantely i needed no more raising or family love, not that i ever got much. One parent had literally abandoned me and the other may has well have for all the good she did. Thank god i was an only child and no other siblings had to put up with them.
I was so grateful for the time spent at scotts house, his mam worked the night shift at the hospital leaving us the house to ourselves most days and when she was around ahe would cook for both of us, i think she liked me because she always gave me extra and asked how i was and when we would disappear up to scotts room she would joke '' Don't do anything i wouldn't do'' The only time she ever interfeared with us if you can call it that was to pull me aside one day and quietley ask if i was taking the right precautions. I said i was and she never mentioned it again, and to be honest i was glad that someone cared enough to ask.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Lauren
Traffic mabye? he could be caught in rush hour traffic possibly,althought not at this time of night. I slowly pace up the pavement each foot step slow and resounding like the slow tick of the hand on a clock. He might've got caught up at work doing some unexpected overtime, but at 9.22 that would be over three hours of overtime!
I take the phone out of my pocket and check to see if iv'e received any new texts, no not one.
Three youths in hoodies, two guys about seventeen or eighteen and a young girl around sixteen hang around on the nearby bench which makes me very uneasy. I'm sure wearing a hooded top while hanging out with your mates is no reason to jump to conclusions but to me i'm always convinced that i will be the next mornings headline : LOCAL GIRL MUGGED AND BEATEN BY YOUTHS or LOCAL GIRL BRUTAL RAPED FOUND DEAD IN BUSHES or STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN BRUTALLY BEATEN AND GANG RAPED BY VICIOUS THUGS okay mabye not the most likely of headlines but possible.
I run out of patience and try calling him, the phone just rings out and one of the youths eyes me up. I don't know wheter to be angry with darragh or scared of this guy eying me up, i go with anger the overiding emotion at this minute. Another twenty minutes goes by, ten minutes of pacing, worrying, the ocasional look and laugh from this once frightening but now annoying threesome. The gang get up and slowly walk away,and this leaves me more room to pace up and down the pavement past the bench before circling back. Each time i consider continuing walking and heading home but i turn back convinced that as soon as i leave he will turn up and i will have stupidly have missed him.
In the distance i see his car coming towards me, a wave of releif washes over me. I wasn't stood up he's finally here, and then the anger sets in. Why was he so late? he better have a damn good reason for making me wait or i'm gonna give him hell. The car pulls closer only it's not his car, it's the same make, same colour same year and even the guy driving it looks like him only older and not as good looking. DAMN IT!! I feel like such an idiot. Anger and embarassment coarse through my body in equal measures and i don't know wheter it's the embarrasment of this or the anger at the situation iv'e let him put me through but i don't wait a secound longer, my feet are pounding down the pavement as fast as they can carry me.
I take the phone out of my pocket and check to see if iv'e received any new texts, no not one.
Three youths in hoodies, two guys about seventeen or eighteen and a young girl around sixteen hang around on the nearby bench which makes me very uneasy. I'm sure wearing a hooded top while hanging out with your mates is no reason to jump to conclusions but to me i'm always convinced that i will be the next mornings headline : LOCAL GIRL MUGGED AND BEATEN BY YOUTHS or LOCAL GIRL BRUTAL RAPED FOUND DEAD IN BUSHES or STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN BRUTALLY BEATEN AND GANG RAPED BY VICIOUS THUGS okay mabye not the most likely of headlines but possible.
I run out of patience and try calling him, the phone just rings out and one of the youths eyes me up. I don't know wheter to be angry with darragh or scared of this guy eying me up, i go with anger the overiding emotion at this minute. Another twenty minutes goes by, ten minutes of pacing, worrying, the ocasional look and laugh from this once frightening but now annoying threesome. The gang get up and slowly walk away,and this leaves me more room to pace up and down the pavement past the bench before circling back. Each time i consider continuing walking and heading home but i turn back convinced that as soon as i leave he will turn up and i will have stupidly have missed him.
In the distance i see his car coming towards me, a wave of releif washes over me. I wasn't stood up he's finally here, and then the anger sets in. Why was he so late? he better have a damn good reason for making me wait or i'm gonna give him hell. The car pulls closer only it's not his car, it's the same make, same colour same year and even the guy driving it looks like him only older and not as good looking. DAMN IT!! I feel like such an idiot. Anger and embarassment coarse through my body in equal measures and i don't know wheter it's the embarrasment of this or the anger at the situation iv'e let him put me through but i don't wait a secound longer, my feet are pounding down the pavement as fast as they can carry me.
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